APPROACHING DEATH: A Spiritual Journey
As the final chapter of one’s life begins to unfold, there will be many occasions to step back and reminisce – to review, to understand, and to celebrate.
There are also challenges. One of the most important of these is the process of letting go of things. Unfortunately, our culture gives great value to material possessions, and instills in us a passion to accumulate them. But as we approach death, these things lose their importance. Eventually, they become burdens. How on earth will I be able to dispose of all this stuff??? I want the possessions that I truly love to go to people that I love. But what about the stuff that nobody wants, but is too valuable to simply discard?
Leaving behind one’s memories. One woman, as she was approaching death, took several journeys in her imagination to places that had been important to her. As she entered into those fantasies, she made it a point to touch things that had been important to her and say, “Thank you for the pleasures you have brought me.”
To be sure, there are other challenges as well: letting go of what is peripheral in order to focus on what is central; forgiving oneself and other people; passing on to other people material possessions that may enrich their lives as they have yours; saying goodbyes.
Other themes also come into prominence during this time. Perhaps foremost is the opportunity/responsibility to entrust to God the memories of one’s life. Some will be met with healing; some with forgiveness; and some with appreciation. Many of these memories may also be entrusted to family and friends.
I think of memories as existing in a kind of mental file cabinet, all filed under various categories. This final period of life is an excellent time to review those memories, and to make sue they are filed appropriately.
Some memories will be of times when you were loved – when you really felt cherished – and you could simply give yourself to those moments, to savor their goodness. Other memories may be of times when you didn’t feel particularly lovable, but someone who was important to you saw beneath the surface and reached out to you in tenderness and affirmation. You may have felt a special glow as you understood the warmth of this person’s appreciation and affirmation for you. You felt good and strong inside.
Memories like these will be filed under, “Things I Hope My Family and Friends Never Forget.”
But not all memories are happy ones. There may be some memories for instance of terribly embarrassing situations, when you just wanted to crawl away and disappear. But as you reflect on those memories now, you may realize that your own embarrassment helped you to become more sensitive to the feelings of other people. So those memories should be refiled under the category of “Helpful Learning Experiences” rather than “Embarrassing Occasions.”
Other memories may be of times when you treated people shabbily, leaving you with many burdens of guilt and shame. As you review those memories, you can commit them to God, and then re-file them once and for all under “Things for Which I Have Been Forgiven.”
Maybe a memory from “Stupid Mistakes” can be re-filed under, “Experiences that Reminded me of my Humanness.”
Ceremonies for Spiritual Healing and Growth is highly recommended and is easily one of the most powerful books on healing and growth that I have read in a very long time. (On-line review)
Other books by Henry Close:
Becoming a Forgiving Person: A Pastoral Perspective,Metaphor in Psychotherapy (a book-of-the month Club selection for two different psychology book services, and translated into Chinese and Turkish)