THINKING ABOUT GETTING MARRIED???

When people start thinking about getting married, there are two sets of questions they should ask themselves. Actually, people should ask these questions about any undertaking they are considering, but they are especially important when it comes to marriage.

Now, I’m not so naive as to think that when people are caught up in the whirlwind of a passionate relationship that they are capable of asking any kind of intelligent questions. But if people can build questions like these into their psyche before entering a relationship, they may save themselves (and their loved ones) a lot of grief.

The questions are these:.

 I.  The first set of questions is obvious: Is this relationship worthwhile?

This has to do with the romance, the delight, the sense that finally they have come upon the one who can fulfill all their needs and make all their dreams come true. In each other’s presence, they feel fulfilled! If they are religious, they may feel that God has brought them together! No sacrifice is too great! People who try to point out difficulties are dismissed for not understanding that love can overcome all obstacles.

 II.  The second set of questions is not so obvious:  Is this relationship realistic?

Do we have similar world views and goals for our lives? Will we have the support of our loved ones if we proceed to marriage? How similar are our ultimate values? What about children? Do we easily agree on how money is to be spent?   Are our friends compatible? Does the sharing of responsibilities come easily and comfortably? Do we resolve difficulties satisfactorily, or is it almost always the same person who gives in?  Is it easy for each to ask for and to grant favors? How much of issue is the way a car is driven?

There are two set of differences that are especially difficult.

One may be a slob and the other a neatnik. At first, each seems to appreciate the other for his/her difference. But after a few months, these differences will have become infuriating.

Or one may be an easy-going, relaxed person, while the other is hyper-active. Again, at first each may appreciate the difference in the other, But with time, these differences are very hard to live with.

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In the long run, the “realistic” questions are a lot more important than the “worthwhile” ones.  You may have a great romance, but if you can’t pay the bills, your relationship isn’t likely to succeed!