HONOR THY FATHER AND THY MOTHER
“Honor your father and your mother that your days may be long on the land which the Lord your God gives you “ (Exodus 20:12)
Interesting! This suggests that it is suicidal not to honor one’s father and mother – that not honoring them shortens the days on the land the Lord gives us! St. Paul refers to this as the first commandment with a promise (Ephesians 6:2). Actually, it is the only commandment with a promise. Also, it is one of only two commands that admonishes us to do something (the other is about keeping the sabbath day holy) –all the other commandments are prohibitions.
Jesus of course phrases things positively, stressing the importance of loving God and loving your neighbor!
Why is this commandment so important??? It is right up there with “Do not kill,” Do not steal,” “Do not worship other gods.”
I think one principle has to do with the importance of maintaining one’s connection with those who in a sense are the very ground of one’s existence. To be alienated from them deprives a person of a basic kind of grounding in a world that is often hostile to human values.
What does it mean to “honor” one’s parents???
Certainly, it doesn’t mean to think they are wonderful – no matter how passionately they may wish for that.
Let’s face it, my parents made many mistakes in raising me and my sister. Some were because they simply didn’t know any better. There is a vast literature now about raising children that simply wasn’t available back then. Also, Mother and Dad had their own issues – like all of us do – that interfered with their parenting efforts, as did the fact that their relationship with each other was often quite troubled. And all of this was during the Great Depression that created so many hardships and destroyed so many dreams.
As I think of them now, I realize that no matter what mistakes they made, they had my best interests at heart, more so than anyone else I would ever know – more than siblings, more than spouse, or friends, or children, even more than I myself sometimes. I think that is true for most parents.
A principle that holds true in many areas of life is that it is futile to ask of someone something they do not have to give.
If a parent simply is incapable of love and nurture, there is no point in asking for it, or complaining about its absence.
I think that to honor one’s parents means at least to find some way to get along with them. Appreciate them for what they have to offer and forgive them for what they do not. In extreme cases, it may be necessary to limit one’s contact with them, but even then, it is possible to get along.