EXTRA-MARITAL AFFAIRS

My friend Burrell Dinkins once observed that the significance of an extra-marital affair is different for a man than it is for a woman.

For a man, what he is looking for is not a bed, but a pedestal! He wants someone to “worship” him, to look up to him, to think he is wonderful. This is a requirement the wife may no longer satisfy. After all, it is extremely difficult to think someone is wonderful when you daily encounter all their ordinariness.

When a woman has an extra-marital affair, what she is looking for is not a sexual organ but an ear! She wants someone to listen to her, to take her seriously, to care about the things she cares about.

For a woman, conversation is the fuel that sustains the relationship, it is the nutrient that allows the relationship to grow. “Small talk is the bread of love.”

But conversation for a man is different. It tends to be (A) a jockeying for status, or (B) problem solving (recognizing of course that problem solving is itself a high status endeavor). Once a man has established a relationship, he tends to think the need for conversation is over.

Thus, the woman is attracted to someone who will listen and share.