A CHILD’S “REAL” PARENTS

A very sensitive woman reported an incident with her adopted son.  The adoption agency had told them to make sure that the word “adoption” was never a strange word to Rick.  So they made sure he knew he was adopted.  They mentioned it frequently, and even celebrated his coming home day as well as his birthday.  He really understood what it meant to be lovingly adopted.

When Rick was about four, Janice became pregnant.  One day she was holding Rick in her lap when they both felt the baby kick in the womb.  Rick asked, “Mommy, did I kick like that when I was in your tummy?” Janice said it nearly broke her heart to have to say, “I’m sure you kicked like that when you were in your Mommy’s tummy.”

When she told me this, she said she was older now, and much wiser.  She would understand this now as an emotional question rather than a factual one.  Rick was asking, “Am I as important to you as the baby in your tummy?”

“I would know what to do now.  I would hug him tightly and say, ’Yeah, I loved it when you were in my tummy.’” She would know that the word “tummy” meant “heart” She would be communicating to him in his language.  “I have always loved the fact that you are in my heart.”

Psychiatrist John Warkentin once said that parents should not tell kids they are adopted unless they ask. We don’t make a big deal about telling our other kids how they came to be with us, why make an exception that will emphasize that he/she is different.

There is an old saying, “Blood is thicker than water,” But this needs to be amended.  “Blood may be thicker than water, but milk is thicker than blood.”  Nurture is more important than genetics.